Shia Lebeouf is a Disney Channel star that has turned into one of the most respected, polarizing actors of our generation. But why is he so intriguing? Why do people make musicals about him? Why does he get fired from jobs? Enter the depths of Shia’s psyche in this episode of Classic Charm.
On this channel here, when you get to the core of it, I teach relationships. Because when it comes to meeting people, the absolute best way to do that is through this weird, magical quality known as charm. Charm is interesting because not many people possess it. In fact, *most* people are not and will never be charming. So far, I’ve found nine traits a person must possess in order access this unusual state of being. But once you do, it creates this magic in the room. There is an electricity in you that shoots out to the people around you. This electricity is like a drug to the people you talk to and it gets addicting to them. Everyone gets the word Charm mixed up with the word Charisma. They are two different traits. Charisma is a superficial trait made to entertain. If you ever see someone flailing their arms around, yelling, trying to make themselves the most popular person in the room, that’s charisma. Charisma is a party trick. Charm is real, actual magic. Whereas charisma is meant to rile an audience, charm is meant for one person at a time. Charisma must be loud and big and entertaining. With charm, you don’t need any of those things. Charm can be quiet and slow and small, and at the end of the night bring you a new lifelong best friend or a soulmate. Charisma will bring you a temporary spike of approval from the room, but you end up with no real relationships in the end. I have no interest in charisma. But charm—charm is a beautiful lifelong practice that you can always keep learning more about and keep improving upon. And the more charming you are, the more quickly and easily and deeply you’ll be able to establish laugh-your-ass-off, how-have-we-not-met-each-other-yet relationships with people—and find more and more success for yourself.
Shia Lebeouf completely embodies one of these nine marks of charm. This is the one trait that all the other traits are built off of. The first one I teach when teaching someone to be charming. Shia Lebeouf—embraces his individuality.
This is the trait that most people mean when they tell you to “be yourself”. But I hate that term. “Be yourself”. What a headspin. It’s been said so many times that now it’s such a dead phrase.
Embracing your individuality—to me, is the ingredient in charm that makes it truly special. You know when people talk about those serial killers that were such charming people? It’s really that they “seemed” charming—except a psychopathic manipulator is always missing the most important ingredient to having genuine charm: A psychopath has no “self.” You can learn all of the traits of charm but if you are a shell of a human being, you will never really get there. Because when you embrace your individuality, it’s what sets you apart from the rest of the billions of people ever lived. And it’s when people see that true unique person on the inside come out, therein lies an acknowledgement of your spirit, your true self.
Shia, if not having any other trait of charm, definitely has this. He embraces who he is all the way. All of the tiny little pieces of himself: His moods, his likes and dislikes, what pisses him off, what makes him feel good or upset. He expresses his vulnerabilities as well as his strengths. Watch how he talks how intimidated he was by working with Tom Hardy.
Or how he openly mentions when he butts heads with other actors.
Or how he opens the world up to how meticulous he is about his style.
He’s expressing how he feels at all times. And guess what? He even expresses how he feels when he’s trying not to express how he feels. Sometimes he’s quiet and almost monosyllabic, but his expression will still manage to ooze out of every hole in his body. Sometimes he’s energetic and playful, sometimes he’s serious. This is why one could never fake the idea of “being yourself”. It’s so unpredictable and wide-ranging that it’s only able to accessed by you.
I believe the people who embrace their individuality do it because there’s no other option for them. To them, not be yourself to the world is not living at all. To not be yourself is to renounce your identity. It’s essentially disregarding your existence.
Everyone must feel that at some level, but most people would rather win the acceptance of the world and sacrifice who they are. The difference between most people and people like Shia is Shia’s fear of renouncing himself is worse than any kind of public denunciation. He doesn’t care much about being famous—he got into acting merely to support his family.
To the people out there that would like to show more of themselves to the world, but just can’t grasp the idea of risking getting shit on, it’s important to take a second to think to yourself, “In the end, will I have cared more about acknowledging the soul inside of me, or smothering that soul and garnering a watered-down acceptance from the world?” Because if you truly want to improve this side of yourself, you need to really take a look at these options and see which fits better for you. In one place, you will make many acquaintances. People will take a general liking to you for the acceptable nature you bring. And that may satisfy you. In another place, you won’t have any acquaintances. But you will have a only real, deep, meaningful relationships with people you truly value while also being disliked by just as many people.
I know the looks on people’s faces when Shia is speaking because all throughout my life, I’ve experienced the same looks. People start off confused about you—they may even dislike you or think you’re an asshole. It’s because you’re breaking the canvas of society’s norms. But then as they continue to watch you embracing your individuality to such a high degree, you watch those confused, uncomfortable faces turn to intrigue and admiration—or they’ll keep being upset and decide that you don’t go well with them. That’s fine. You’ve just weeded out the ones you’ll never see eye to eye with. But the one thing it will always do is inspire them to also be themselves. Instead of the walking zombies you usually see, Shia is the type to get people to open up and show their true colors. Watch in this Actors On Actors with Kristen Stewart, how Shia at first seems to make Kristen uncomfortable and awkward with his engaging, weird nature.
As their chat continues, notice how Kristen starts to lose that Hollywood shell and starts really letting her true self come to the surface.
Notice how she almost said the F-word in the interview, because I think for one moment she forgot she was in a studio with lights and cameras on her. She had to catch herself because she wasn’t talking to a TV host, but another artist. And this artist isn’t polished and he isn’t expecting her to be either. In fact, his raw, candid vibe is automatically encouraging Kristen to be her raw, candid self as well.
The thing about embracing who you truly are is it can also get you into trouble. In 2017 years ago, Shia decided to sign up for the Peace Corps. He had come to terms with the fact that his “being himself” had gotten him into too much trouble and producers weren’t going to hire him anymore.
One night after filming in Georgia for his movie The Peanut Butter Falcon, Shia was arrested basically for being drunk when this security footage went viral.
Shia isn’t racist, what he was is drunk and angry. He’s so used to letting out how he feels that it gets him into trouble. And you have to realize that this is the risk you take as someone who is completely themselves at every moment. You got to risk being shunned by a community. People who embrace their individuality don’t always come out successful or well-loved. Most celebrities are purposely squeaky clean spotless. They know that their career is on the line with every interview they have. Acting is a cutthroat business and if there is a troublemaker on set that could cost the investors a ton of money, they’d rather go find someone else. And that’s where a charmer and any old asshole differ. Someone like Shia has massive love in his heart. You can see it in his interviews. He treats people with respect and kindness, he wants people to feel heard and appreciated.
Where most celebs have trained themselves to say the perfect answer to every question, Shia just says what he feels. But why is it that people are still talking about Shia and hiring him? Shia has love for himself and for others. And there’s something funny about expressing yourself from a place of love. When you have love you can say whatever you want about others without feeling guilty. If you upset people, that’s okay. When you love yourself you can say whatever you want about yourself without feeling guilty. Notice how Shia can talk not-so-prettily about Michael Pena but it comes off like they’re brothers and not enemies.
When you have love you can say whatever you want about others without feeling guilty. If you upset people, that’s okay. With good intentions, you don’t have to feel badly about saying anything about anybody—even if they get upset.
And when you love yourself you can say whatever you want about yourself without feeling guilty.
In fact, Shia now hangs out with the same officer that arrested him back then. Why? Shia has love and people feel it despite the fact that he may have a tortured soul that sometimes or often—can get rowdy.
So listen—there are enough people in the world that are just filling up space. They live to impress—they live for validation. They’re all watering down the world with their facades. Like JayZ says, “All I see is these fake fucks with no fangs.” Embrace that individual inside of you. If that means you’re feeling quiet and anxious—be that right then and there. If it means you’re feeling angry—let it out—fucking say it. If it means you’re feeling childish, buffoonish—let it goddamn out. Don’t sacrifice that soul inside just to hopefully get ahead. Because you’re going to die a slow, odorless, painful death. I always think about my last day on Earth—looking back at my life and thinking, “Did I do and say things that I wanted? Or did I appease others just to avoid a bit of negative feedback?” And the scariest thing in the world to me is that I’m not oozing out every little bit of who I am—knowing that I actually experienced life. I experienced people’s real opinions of me—good and bad. That I inspired others to do the same with my realness. That I created real relationships instead of work buddy happy hours.
I’m going to end this video with some of Shia’s famous freestyle. Because this, to me, is what happens when you are so used to letting your true self-expression flow out of you. There is absolutely no possible way you can be a great freestyler or any kind of improviser when you are thinking, planning, or trying to entertain. When you can freestyle like this, you are perfectly connected to your intuition of who you are in that moment. There is all flow—no effort involved. Just pure you.
This week, I had my own struggle with expressing myself and the Youtube community was at my side, which was a beautiful thing. I let everyone know how blocked I was for writing this piece, and I found a return of love from: Rich Harris, George Sofield, Claudia Cantori, Amber Raeanne, Lil Squirt, Josh G, Danny Granger, Tim, and Cem Taskin. I want to thank you guys so much for inspiring me. This is what this channel is about. I am not an entertainer, I’m an engager. I care most about the comments. So continue the conversation with me below. What did you like most about today’s video? What did you fucking hate? Tell us some places you believe I should have expanded. Maybe you have some wisdom to impart on me and my subscribers. You’re probably gonna get a response from me as I’m just blown away that I get comments in the first place. And if you want to see more of my videos, hit Subscribe now and ring the bell for all notifications.