Harry Styles is a pop star that started out in a reality show boy band. Every girl on earth is in love with him. But why? Is it just his good looks, or is there something more to this perfectly-tasseled celebrity that makes the ladies go gaga? Find out today in this episode of Classic Charm.
When it comes to personality, Harry Styles should be studied by all the quieter men out there. He is the perfect example of being able to do a lot while saying little.
When I was in my twenties, I was obsessed with what was the perfect thing to say in any situation. I would walk into a bar and wonder how everyone was so talkative. Everyone seemed so cool and I was peeing my pants with fear and anxiety.
So down the rabbit hole I went. What did I find at the end of the tunnel? After years of really getting to the core of confidence and attractiveness, I realized something unbelievable. I found that words had little connection to your ability to be seen as attractive or confident. This was wild.
Does this mean that you can say whatever the hell you want and it won’t matter? No. Words and actions take a backseat to something much greater. And whenever I watch a video of Harry Styles, all I can see is this same exact thing. Harry is never worrying about coming across funny or cool. He’s never trying to say something interesting or intellectual. He’s not trying to be the most entertaining person in the room. But yet, whenever you watch him, he just emanates confidence, coolness, and love.
So what is it that Harry possesses that sets him apart from so many other people? Harry has intense Presence.
But what does that mean? It’s a word that can get thrown around easily without any real understanding of its depth. First of all, Presence is one of the only things you need when socializing. You can speak on a basic level. All your words could be normal, nothing out-of-this-world, but still just radiate an incredible aura about you.
To teach it to you in the easiest way possible, you can exude an aura of Presence by simply putting all of your attention onto whatever is in front of you. Something I teach my students is to consider whatever person in front of you as the most important person in your life—at that moment. Because, guess what—that’s the only person in your life at that moment. What happens when you shift 100% of your focus onto whoever is in front of you at any given moment, and you see them as the most important person in your life, all of the anxiety will just float away. All of the negative thoughts leave your head. You feel this sense of strong peace on the inside. It’s a freeness. It’s a feeling of love. And here is the surprising part to all this—that’s feeling you will feel is true, raw, pure confidence. No ego involved. No power thirst involved. Most men think that confidence works the way Scarface thinks power works. First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women.
Or something like that. Power and control have zero to do with the unstoppable inner confidence that you could have from the practice of Presence. Many men have it in their heads that “once I have the power over others, then I’ll truly be happy”. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Look what happened to Scarface, his thirst for power ended — not so well.
And there’s a funny thing that happens when your focus is only on appreciating the person in front of you. Where once you may have had nothing to say, you were frozen in anxiety—while being Present, you have the perfect answer to every question, the perfect word with every thought, the perfect story, the perfect facial expressions, and so on.
Because the anxiety and overthinking was causing a blockage of your natural ability to be the true, confidence, attractive you. Once you take all of that focus on your thoughts and shift it to whatever’s in front of you (whether it’s a person or a fish), that blockage gets cleared up and your true happy, confident self can now flow effortlessly in any situation you find yourself in.
Where did Harry get this powerful skill known as Presence? I believe he got it from his mom. In this interview with Apple Music, notice how highly he regards his mom as the kindest, most caring woman he’s ever known.
This care for others no doubt left a lasting effect on Harry, and you can see how humble, calm, but also wildly confident he appears to be in any situation, without saying really much. Yes he can be funny, he can be vulnerable, he can be crazy too, but you can also see that none of it is overcompensation. He’s never doing it to impress others, but rather because he loves whoever is there with him and is expressing his appreciation through an engaging interaction.
And I believe Harry knows this. I believe Harry practices this aura of “Presence” every day. The reason I believe it is because of what he said right here.
It’s clear that Harry has a strong focus on his mental health, and how calm and focused he is in every moment because of his stance on drugs and alcohol. He knows the difference between a tortured mind and a peaceful, loving, confident mind.
So if you find yourself overcompensating in interactions whenever you get anxious. Maybe you act overly loud and macho. Maybe you try to crack jokes every five seconds. Maybe you try to show how smart you are with impressive facts. Putting on a show for people will never ever calm down the nervous person inside of you. If you’re looking to light up the room, the only way to do it is to shift all of your focus onto whatever or whoever is in front of you. Look at the beauty in their movements, how that person sounds different than any other person ever lived. Every little move and sound they make in that moment will be the only time it happens exactly as it is right now. They are a magical, autonomous, self-sustaining, walking, talking creation. Each person is an unimaginable work of art. If you see people the way Harry Styles sees people, you too will be able to harness that strong peaceful aura of quiet confidence, and move worlds with just a small gesture or word.
If you’re interested in learning more about Presence and the only two other things that makes someone incredibly confident, attractive, and content in life, you can get my free audiobook, Iconic Bachelor: Learning From The Greats, in the link in the description. In it, I go into the specifics of exactly how to harness this social skill known as Presence, and uncover the last two skills that you probably were not expecting.
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