Tom Holland: The ‘Perfectly Balanced’ Charmer ?


I’m Anthony.

I believe charm and social skills are the most important tools you can use to achieve great things in life more than anything else.

Before I get this video started I just want to say that I was so torn up this week about the Spider-Man debacle between Sony and Marvel. I grew up obsessed with Marvel comics, especially Spider-Man. So much so that I would keep this Spider-Man vs. Venom hologram card within like 18 different boxes and stashed away in my closet only to open it up when a friend came over or if I was in the mood to marvel at the amazingness. And finally hearing that they came to an agreement to keep Spidey in the MCU just makes me feel so good. They finally got him perfect this time and I’m just so excited.

Tom Holland, to me, is a born movie star. If you watch him during interviews, the way he acts is just so damn movie starrish. To give you a better idea of what I mean, I want to use Jake Gyllenhaal as a perfect comparison.

Jake—is a goof. Though I think he’s one of the best actors ever lived, though his off-screen persona is nothing like that of a movie star’s. In fact, he acts kind of like… me. He’s weird, nerdy, random as hell, goofy, has cartoon like facial expressions, and is just like nothing I would expect him to be like—based on the usually dark and dramatic roles he plays.

Now Tom Holland—yes, he can be goofy and definitely playful, but it’s all just so graceful. When he’s joking around with his pals Zendaya and Jacob, it looks like friends just being themselves, but there’s a certain cleanness to it.

Usually when I make these videos, I keep watching hours and hours of interviews until I find a crack within the general celebrity persona they give off for the camera. But Tom looks like this is what he was born to do. He’s so nice, cool, fun, thoughtful, innocent, vulnerable, down-to-earth, confident, cheeky, all in a package that has no rifts.

You can see how much Jake Gyllanhaal has a connection with Tom. I feel like really anyone would like Tom, honestly. This is the power of Marvel Studios. They auditioned tons of Spider-Men until they ended up with someone that was quite literally perfect.

Breaking down his character traits, Tom knows when to get bashful and vulnerable, he knows how to act full of himself in just that perfect way where it makes him charming and not look egocentric. You can tell he really cares about the people he’s with, especially his friends and family. And the crazy thing is, it all feels super genuine. The reason I’m mentioning this is because he became Spider-Man at like 18 years old. He was already an actor but he was by no means an actor that needed to come off so squeaky clean but also super relatable and charming like he does.

So the question is, how did he get this way? Now I’m not going to do any real research into his background, but from the sound of it, his British accent sounds like comes from a upper-middle to upper-class family. He also worked professionally since he was a child. And next, which is the kicker, he went to a private all-boys school. And I’m sure in the UK they have them wear those traditional little suits and teach them all these manners and perfect social skills. Also, he’s trained in ballet dancing. So Tom, if I’m guessing correctly, has been groomed since he was really young.

The interesting thing I see about Tom, when I look through all of these interviews, is how every now and then he loses composure and I can actually see him consciously recomposing himself. Watch here. And here. And here. And here. And here. It reminds me a bit of when Kanye West does it. Except I think when Kanye does it, it’s because he builds a wall up between himself and others. I think when Tom does it, it’s because he genuinely wants to present himself in the best light—as that’s what he’s been taught to do.

Another interesting point I notice about Tom is he is a perfect case study of a really charming, hunky, cool guy that not at all cares about coming off macho or masculine. It’s unfortunate these days that a ton of men are suffering from depression and deep feelings of insecurity from not feeling good enough. And a lot of these men are looking at deep dark crevices of the internet with gurus telling them that it’s because feminism is keeping them from being true masculine men. So now there’s a bunch of young men out there who try overcompensating for their lack of general happiness in life with a machismo that actually makes them worse with women and people in general.

Trust me when I say that no man becomes more manly by deciding that he needs to prove to himself and others that he is more of a man. Real men just don’t care about that. There is literally only one thing that can make a straight male more manly—and some of you might get triggered by this—strengthening your love for women. That’s right, the BEST way for you to be more manly is not shooting down feminism, it’s not swinging your lil peeper around the clubs for everyone to see, nor is it about bulking up and getting strong, growing a beard, becoming a leader, losing touch with your emotional side; it’s simply just becoming more in love with the female gender. That’s all. The more you do that, the more you are a man.

It’s plain to see that even though Tom knows how to play with the big boys, he doesn’t get shy, he also isn’t afraid to act nervous, childish, afraid, silly, and any other vulnerable trait. And it’s why Tom Holland comes off as SUCH a charming guy. Charm is about a mixture of many traits—showing everything you got. Not blocking the seemingly ‘weak’ ones.

This is something I am constantly reminding my students, that building attraction with women has nothing to do with coming off ‘high value’ or ‘cool’ as I once thought they did. If you want to be popular or intimidating, yeah maybe. But charm and attraction don’t care about those things. It’s instead about displaying a balance of ALL your personality traits randomly, at different times, even in times where you might be expected to come off cool and macho. And Tom Holland exemplifies this perfectly. He’s got to be one of the most well-balanced 20-somethings I’ve ever seen. The type of guy that could make friends with anyone. And it shows.