A client of mine asked me, So the techniques you’ve taught me–Wolf Eyes, Funnel Theory… you came up with them yourself from your experiences?
My response… Yes. Those two things are mine. Most of the stuff I teach is mine with mixtures of self-help things I find valuable. I am big on cutting away the stuff that is just for entertainment and has minimal practical effectiveness. Which is why I call myself the most boring dating teacher in the world. I would rather teach you the things that will get you girls and make you content in life instead of entertaining you with the latest fast and fun technique.
I’m out at bars every night of the week mentoring clients. And every night I see a guy from the PUA community pick up a girl and spin her around. It’s the new technique guys are doing. Years ago, it was the “neg.” Now that’s been put down. Another popular one is instantly grabbing a girls hands from the beginning while talking with her. It’s supposed to create a “connection” and force “attraction” more quickly. Another year it was high-fiving a girl, a long time ago it was “cocky/funny” and using scripted routines. There’s always a new kid on the block with a new gimmick.
I grew up disliking gimmicks. I read a marketing article telling me I needed to be easily identifiable as a way to brand myself. Like Russell Peters is the guy that talks about different races. Gary Vaynerchuk is the social media guy. Radiohead has the weird music. Tupac is the gangster rapper and Jay-Z is the business, man.
But I’m nothing. I don’t have a gimmick. I grew up telling barbers to keep my haircut as normal as possible. “Cut it so it doesn’t look like anything.”
When I coach someone, I am not exciting. I may be a fun person to be around, but my teaching is dry. Or let me put this better as I don’t want to sabotage myself…
To a “magic pill” guy, or a dabbler, I am boring. But to someone passionate about the subject of charisma and dating and lifestyle, my stuff should be fascinating. In fact, part of the interview process for becoming a client is discussing some “boring” theory–stuff that I am enthralled with, and to a normal person would bore them after a few minutes. I want to see where this person’s focus lies: With the exciting, superficial ideas and techniques, or discussing the subtlety of a smile, the complexity of improv, how deep you can go in making yourself vulnerable towards another person. Can a person talk for hours about meditation, knowing that it is one doorway to presence, because presence is one of the only three things women are attracted to in men? Or is he just interested in walking around with a blonde on his arm, proving to the world that he’s not the dork he was in high school and college? That is the difference I look for during an interview with a potential client. Because that is the difference that will decide if he will become great with women, or just superficially successful. But only one aspect to if he will actually reach his aspirations.
The actual fun shouldn’t be me mentoring you. I’m an ugly weird dude. The fun should be what you do with what I teach you. The fun should be the application of the theory and techniques. The fun should be had with the girl, not with me. That is another aspect to if a member will actually reach his expectations.
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Think about magicians. When I watch a good magician do a good magic trick, I get excited and want to learn how to do it. And there are simple tricks for the armchair magician. But if I want to become as magical as that good magician, things are going to start getting boring real quick. The slight of hand only begins to look real after practicing it several hundred times. Other aspects of the trick begin to become convincing after practicing in a mirror another 200 times. It’s not exciting anymore to the guy that wants to WOW people and then move on. But to the man who is passionate about magic, fascinated with the art of illusion, he will isolate himself from society for years practicing his craft—living a boring life to the people around him, but a meaningful, purposeful life to himself. That is the type of man I’m looking to work with. I want the men who are in it for the long haul. Who will still be a student of charisma years after his training with me. Think about Gob from Arrested Development. Aside from being a horrible person in almost every way, he is passionate about magic. He wants to perform at every possible event planned. He isn’t only doing magic on stage, he’s doing magic for friends and family. He prepares a magic trick, I mean an illusion, that is highly technical if there’s even just one person around.
Wolf Eyes can just keep getting more powerful, intense, and subtle the better you get at it. To a beginner it means holding heavy eye contact. To an advanced, it means making a connection with a woman after only a few seconds. Two different things.
Funnel Theory is a mixture of presence and purpose while socializing. As both presence and purpose rise simultaneously, Funnel Theory becomes more powerful and beneficial. If Purpose and Presence are off balance, your night collapses. It’s like building a house of cards. You must not only be precise in your placement, but calm in your demeanor. If you’re trembling, you’ll knock down the house. If you’re calm but not precise, you knock down the house. The better you are at elevating both skills will make your goal of timely building a great house come to fruition.
I am passionate about charisma. Because of that, I am just happy to interact with people. Just happy to practice. Whether I make a new friend or meet a great girl doesn’t matter to me. That is just as exciting as neither of those. It’s the art. It’s the love of being with people. The practice is improving my ability to do that.
“How do you best move toward mastery? To put it simply, you practice diligently, but you practice primarily for the sake of the practice itself.” -George Leonard
When I was in college, I was at the fourth most prestigious jazz school in the country. I would play music with my friend Nick Dungo (now of the popular band For The Foxes) in the rehearsal studios late at night. We’d hang around and play some covers, then share each other’s song ideas. As we’d leave, around 1:00am, we’d hear the saxophone and piano players blowing and banging endlessly on their instruments. They’d play in the dark, practicing scales for hours on end. They knew that the best jazz musicians were the ones who breathed their craft. The difference between being good and being great were those extra hours late at night. Scratch that. When the security guards would come in at 2:00am and kick everyone out of the studios, the jazz musicians were the ones in the music program who hacked the backdoors so they could walk back in and practice until 5:00am after the guards cleared out. The good ones left the studio when they were supposed to, the great ones left when they weren’t supposed to.
“As humans, we waste the shit out of our words. It’s sad. We use words like “awesome” and “wonderful” like they’re candy. It was awesome? Really? It inspired awe? It was wonderful? Are you serious? It was full of wonder? You use the word “amazing” to describe a goddamn sandwich at Wendy’s. What’s going to happen on your wedding day, or when your first child is born? How will you describe it? You already wasted “amazing” on a fucking sandwich.” -Louis CK
I feel the same way about the word “passion.” Passion is a lifelong journey. It’s not a hobby, a simple goal, or something you want to show people you are good at. Can you say you are passionate about women? Can you say you are in love with women? For everything about them? Can you say that you will dedicate your life to becoming a better person when around them? Or are you just in it to get your rocks off? Just so you can walk around and say, “Yeah, I’m a player,” or, “Yeah, I hooked up with her. She was eating out of the palm of my hand!” If that’s all you care about, likely because you’ve never had much success before in this area, you’re never going to fully understand true charisma. And because of this, you will never be great with women.
“It’s easy to get on the path of mastery. The real challenge lies in staying on it.” -George Leonard
I’m not here for the guy who wants the quick fix. The guy who wants to “…get it handled and then move on with [his] life.” No. You don’t just move on with your life. You get it handled and then it continues. You get into a relationship? You continue to charm that person each day. To fall in love with that person each day. And it is constant practice. You are working on it constantly. You never stop. You want to be a great husband? You better be passionate about being a husband. You want to be great with women? You better be passionate about them.